


i still choose you

by DefiantDreams



Series: Love is a Choice [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Break Up, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Outsider, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, the phichit/chris and chris/victor r just brief mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 05:17:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9585125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefiantDreams/pseuds/DefiantDreams
Summary: Yuuri comes home from the Sochi GPF missing more than a medal, his confidence and his love for skating.[Do we really only have one, singular soulmate? Out of 7.2 billion people in the world, how can there only be one person for you? No, instead, there are several people who are right for you at any given time and in many different ways, and there are some who are just more right for you than others.A trilogy on worlds wheresoulmate identifiers change, worlds where people have multiple soulmate identifiers and worlds where soulmate marks change as you do.]





	

**Author's Note:**

> i love soulmate AUs, but i have very strong feelings about the concept of soulmates >.>
> 
> Follow me @ [Tumblr](https://gia-comeatme.tumblr.com) if ur into Chris and want fic updates. It's a secondary blog but I'll follow u back w my main <3

 

Yuuri comes home from the GPF missing more than a medal, his confidence and his love for skating. 

Phichit doesn't realize it the moment Yuuri comes home and doesn't kiss him back. He chalks that off to Yuuri being tired and down about the GPF and just resolves to find a way to help him cheer up. That's what Phichit does, that's what Yuuri needs him for as a his match.

He can be what Yuuri needs. He _is_ what Yuuri needs, just as Yuuri is what Phichit needs right now. Yuuri was Phichit's constant and a friend when he needed one. Phichit may have given Yuuri fun and happiness and parties and pole dancing and stupid jokes and bright smiles but Yuuri... Yuuri was steadfast and loyal, quietly behind him in everything. Yuuri gave him a home when Phichit was so far away from anything that even reminded him of home. Phichit didn't even know he needed that until Yuuri quietly came into his life.

Phichit remembers the first time he saw the mark on Yuuri's chest.

 

> They've been rinkmates for a month and Phichit has never been shy about his body. Yuuri and he haven't changed in front of each other yet, never had the reason to but today, they were planning to go out with some of their other rinkmates. He doesn't even think about it, he strips out of his training shirt with his back to Yuuri.
> 
> It's when he hears a faint gasp from behind him that he turns. Yuuri is staring at him with wide eyes and a slack jaw and Phichit frowns.
> 
> "Are you okay?" he asks and smiles airily. His eyes widen when Yuuri suddenly strides forward and reaches out.
> 
> Yuuri's hand stops, inches away from his skin and suddenly hesitant. 
> 
> "Can I?" Yuuri asks, his voice hushed but in the empty locker room, it's unnaturally loud and the only thing Phichit can hear. Phichit chokes on his spit when he suddenly realizes what Yuuri was staring at and what he was reaching out for.
> 
> He turns slowly, feeling a little numb and Yuuri is silent from behind him. Phichit shivers when he feels a warm finger gently touch his soul mark at the middle of his spine. A finger becomes a hand until his mark is fully covered by Yuuri's hand. It feels right. He doesn't even need to see Yuuri's to know they match. If anyone else but his soul mark's match would have touched him there...
> 
> Phichit turns around when Yuuri withdraws his hand. His heart skips a beat when Yuuri reaches down to the hem of his shirt and pulls it off in one quick motion. He turns around and in the middle of his spine, in the exact same place as Phichit's, is an exact replica of the mark Phichit bears.
> 
> Phichit's smile wobbles and he's finally tearing up because _finally_ , he's waited so long. He reaches out without any of Yuuri's hesitation and covers Yuuri's mark with his hand.
> 
> Yuuri shivers and turns again to face him and give him a gentle, happy smile. Phichit's heart skips a beat and before he knows it, they're leaning towards each other and kissing. Phichit knows soul mates can be temporary but he's always been a romantic and he's had a crush on Yuuri since they met a month ago. He can't help but think this is forever. Yuuri and Phichit. Phichit and Yuuri.

This is what Phichit thinks about when he finally founds out they don't match anymore.

It's been more than a week since Yuuri's come from the GPF and Phichit admits that Yuuri's been acting distant. Yuuri buries himself in his studies in a way he never has before. He doesn't go to the rink, doesn't go out with Phichit and doesn't accept Phichit's affection.

Phichit was willing to give him time and space. He knew that Yuuri was in a slump after bombing the finals but… he begins to suspect.

"Have you... Have you looked at your mark recently?" Yuuri asks one day, and Phichit stiffens. He didn't expect the question but at the same time... he's not surprised.

Phichit blinks at him in surprise and an odd feeling of dread is starting to build up in his chest.

"I... no," he admits hesitantly. Their marks are out of the way, nothing he can see unless he looks at the mirror or asks someone to take a picture for him. He hasn't thought of looking at it, hasn't thought he needed to anymore when he already found his mark's match.

Yuuri gives him a mournful look and Phichit _knows_.

Phichit excuses himself from dinner as soon as he can and rushes to their bathroom. He strips off his shirt and turns his back in front of the mirror.

His mark is gone. The brown and yellow stain that spoke of steadfast loyalty and happiness is gone. There is nothing in its place.

Phichit doesn't cry. He feels numb inside. He puts his shirt back on and sits down the bathroom floor. He knew that their mark could be temporary, but they were good together. They fit well and things were easy with Yuuri in a way it never was with others.

He should have realized earlier that him and Yuuri didn't fit quite as well ever since Yuuri came back from the Grand Prix Finals. He knew that he ignored it in the guise of giving Yuuri space and time. 

He leaves the bathroom and finds Yuuri just sitting there in the hallway outside.

It looks like he's about to cry and Phichit doesn't even think about it before he's kneeling down beside Yuuri and wrapping him in a hug. Yuuri sobs against his shoulder and they both clutch at each other desperately.

"I'm sorry," Yuuri whispers and Phichit smiles bitterly.

"It's not your fault," he says gently, trying to inject cheer into his voice and Yuuri whimpers.

"Can I see?" Phichit asks and Yuuri stiffens against him.

"I mean, if you have a new one," Phichit continues, suddenly unsure. "I... I don't have a new one yet."

Yuuri pulls away with a grimace on his face and Phichit immediately regrets asking. He opens his mouth to say _never mind, sorry for asking_ but Yuuri pulls down the loose collar of his shirt.

"I woke up with it after the Banquet."

Phichit's brain blanks out for a moment because he knows Yuuri's mark is at his back, in the middle of his spine and seeing purple and blue in the space above Yuuri's heart shocks him.

It's undeniable then that he's not what Yuuri needs anymore. A mark over the heart is romantic, a clear cut sign of love. Phichit and Yuuri could have chosen to be platonic with their marks at the back. But this... The placement of Yuuri's new mark means that he's destined for love.

When Yuuri leaves Detroit for Japan, it's the final blow. Yes, he had realized that he couldn't be what Yuuri needed anymore the moment he realized his mark was gone and that the mark on Yuuri's chest was different. But it's only when they're saying goodbye that Phichit realizes Yuuri couldn't be what he needed anymore either.

Yuuri couldn't be his home anymore in the West. Yes, Yuuri would always be there for him but... Phichit didn't need someone to be his home anymore. He had made his own home here in the four years he had been in America.

They kiss in their apartment. Chaste and innocent. It's their last kiss, Phichit knows. Neither of them has to say it. It stays unspoken.

When Phichit comes home to an empty apartment for the first time, it's then that Phichit cries.

He doesn't know what he needs anymore. He doesn't know what Yuuri needs either but he hopes they both find it soon.

He realizes a little too late that making Yuuri happy wasn't enough anymore. Yuuri doesn't need to be happy right now, in the darkest time of his life. The brief moments of happiness and laughter Phichit brings to Yuuri isn't enough to bring him out of his depression.

Phichit only realizes that when Yuuri's video goes viral and he finally sees the love for skating in Yuuri again. He realizes it when finally, Yuuri remembers that he belongs on the ice.

Yuuri didn't need someone to make him happy anymore. What Yuuri needed right now was someone to shake him up, someone to make him realize he was worth something. Someone to challenge him and help him reach his full potential. 

Someone like Viktor Nikiforov.

Phichit laughs out loud when Yuuri calls him and tells him Viktor fucking Nikiforov had the exact same mark on his chest.

He watches with the rest of the world as Viktor and Yuuri's relationship develops from coach and student to something much more. Yuuri still calls him sometimes and Phichit knows that even if they're soulmates anymore, Yuuri will still always be there for him. They're still best friends. 4 years together as rinkmates and 3 as roommates couldn't be forgotten so easily even if their marks are long faded and long gone.

That's why Phichit isn't surprised when Viktor approaches him during the Cup of China.

He smiles at Viktor easily. He's a little bit of jealous, but not because Viktor has Yuuri. He's already accepted that the loss of their marks is an undeniable sign that Yuuri and him aren't meant for each other now, that even if they were the best thing for each other in the past, even if they were what each other needed before, they aren't anymore. Phichit knows that that's in the past. No, he's just a little jealous because Yuuri has found his mark's match already when Phichit's body is still blank of a soul mark.

"Yuuri told me that you used to Match," Viktor says and Phichit winces slightly. Yuuri was right. Viktor is blunt af.

"We did," Phichit agrees. "I'm happy for the two of you," he continues honestly and Viktor gives him a surprised smile. He _is_ happy for them. He still loves Yuuri, he just wants Yuuri to be happy, to be inspired, to be loved. It just so happens that Phichit isn’t the one anymore.

A silence follows and it's in that silence that Phichit knows what's on Viktor's mind.

"Are you afraid?" he asks hesitantly and Viktor flinches.

"No one has ever made me feel the way he does," Viktor replies. It's not an answer to his question, but somehow, it is.

Phichit doesn't blame him for being afraid. If fate was cruel enough to give someone like him Yuuri Katsuki and then take him away... He understands why Viktor would be afraid to unmatch with Yuuri.

Later, Phichit tries to ignore the way his heart breaks when the four of them go out for dinner and Viktor strips off shirt and there, right above his heart, is the undeniable blue and purple Mark of Yuuri.

Phichit remembers very clearly that day outside the bathroom when Yuuri showed him his new Mark. The Mark that had replaced Phichit's was burned across his eyelids and for weeks after that day, every time Phichit closed his eyes, blue and purple was all he could see. He would never be able to forget Yuuri and Viktor's Mark and it was jarring to see it now in the light of a hot pot restaurant instead of in the dark of his memories.

Viktor's hand visibly creeps up Yuuri's shirt and Phichit knows his hand is pressed against Yuuri's mark. The ease at which he does so is a loud irrefutable proof that they're Matches.

Phichit swallows down the bile he can feel in the back of his throat and instead forces a smile onto his face as he takes out his phone for a selfie. Thankfully, Viktor turns his body to face Yuuri's and press his bare chest against Yuuri's. His mark is hidden that way and Phichit is irrationally glad that he doesn't have to see it in his camera roll or in his Instagram feed. The reminder would never cease to hurt.

He doesn't know why it hurts more when Viktor kisses Yuuri the next day on live television. 

Maybe because Marks are intensely private. Something meant for your Match alone, but this... This was a public declaration of love.

Phichit wins gold but really, Phichit can't help but wonder if he's really won anything when he doesn't even have a mark.

Before their exhibition skate the next day, Chris slides up next to him.

"You okay?" He asks casually and Phichit jolts.

"Yeah!" He says cheerfully and pulls out his phone. "Selfie?" Phichit continues and waves the phone in his hand.

Chris nods and moves up closer to him. Phichit smiles at his camera and Chris blows a kiss.

"They're cute, aren't they?" Chris murmurs after Phichit puts his phone away again. Phichit follows his gaze to Yuuri and Viktor who are even touchier than usual.

"They are," Phichit agrees and smiles softly.

“We used to match, you know,” Chris says nonchalantly as he observes Viktor and Yuuri and Phichit freezes. He turns to face Chris, his grip on his phone suddenly slack. Chris looks at him and smiles. It’s a kind of smile that Phichit has seen plenty of times on his own face, a smile that tries so hard to be real and genuine.

“I never did know what he needed from me. We didn’t Match for very long, less than a year, really.”

“Yuuri and I were Matches for 4 years,” Phichit replies. He doesn’t move Chris’ hand away when it comes to rest on his shoulder. He takes his comforts where he can.

Phichit and Chris go to bed together that night and for a moment, the hole in Phichit’s heart isn’t filled, but can be ignored.

The thing about soul marks being in such a visible place is that you can clearly see them fade. It’s meant to be a way to help romantic couples reevaluate and adjust their relationship. It’s supposed to help couples know that their relationship is lacking and they’re not giving each other what they need. It’s supposed to be something to show that your relationship needs work.

Of course Yuuri doesn’t see it that way. Of course Yuuri takes it as their relationship failing.

The day Yuuri’s mark starts to fade, Yuuri calls him.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s weird to call you about this but God, Phichit you’re my best friend and I didn’t know who else to call,” Yuuri breathes out and Phichit blinks.

“What?” It’s all he can say and Yuuri groans heavily from the other end of the phone.

“I…My mark is fading.” Yuuri admits quietly and Phichit’s heart thuds painfully in his chest. Yuuri doesn’t say anything else but Phichit’s known him long enough that he knows what’s going through Yuuri’s mind right now.

Yuuri doesn’t want to lose Viktor, doesn’t want to lose this good thing that they have. Phichit knows that Yuuri is in love with Viktor and that Viktor’s in love with Yuuri. Yuuri might have loved him too but never to the intensity that he does Viktor.

_“Viktor is the first person I’ve ever wanted to hold on to.”_

How could Phichit forget something like that? How could Phichit forget Yuuri declaring to the whole world his love for Viktor?

Yuuri doesn’t have to say anything for Phichit to know that Yuuri wants to stay close to Viktor, that he wants to hold on and never let go. Their marks fading is just a sign to Yuuri that he can’t do that, that he has to let go.

“Yuuri,” Phichit says, and he’s surprised at how reprimanding his voice sounds. “The mark might fade but that doesn’t mean your love will. That doesn’t mean the commitment is gone too.”

Yuuri thanks him quietly and eventually hangs up. Long after Phichit’s gone off his phone, he’s still staring up at his ceiling in wonder that Yuuri actually still confided in him despite it being something like that. He had thought that Yuuri would stop depending on him and that their friendship would become too different but… Yuuri had still thought of him, still called him when he needed help.

Phichit gets into the Grand Prix Final.

The next time Phichit sees the two of them in person, they’re in Barcelona. They go out along with the other GPF Finalists minus JJ. It’s then that Chris points out the rings.

“Congratulations on your marriage!” he says loudly. His joy isn’t faked. He’s happy for them, he is, really.

He pulls Yuuri aside for a while after they’re back in the hotel. Viktor is behind them, talking to Chris about something.

“Is your mark still fading?” he blurts out as he grabs onto Yuuri’s arm and Yuuri freezes. Yuuri bites his lip and looks away. It’s the only answer he needs. He drops his hold on Yuuri’s arm.

He’s not surprised when the day of the Free Skate, Yuuri and Viktor are off.

_“Let’s end this,” Yuuri had said._

_Their marks are gone._

_“I thought you needed me for longer,” Viktor had replied._

Here’s the thing. Just because you don’t need each other anymore, that doesn’t mean you don’t love each other or that you don’t want each other anymore.

“I thought that with the rings, even if our marks were gone… I thought that he’d still be able to see how much I loved him.” Viktor says quietly.

Phichit smiles sadly. He knows where Viktor is coming from better than anyone.

“I let Yuuri go when our marks disappeared,” he tells Viktor. He looks up at the older man. “Don’t make the same mistake.”

It’s not Viktor who holds on in the end. It’s Yuuri.

Phichit sees them in the distance after the medal ceremony. He sees Yuuri push Viktor to the floor and sit on his lap. He doesn’t know what Yuuri says to Viktor then, but the look of absolute joy and love in Viktor’s face is enough to tell him what it is.

If he’s had any doubt, their exhibition skate the next day seals the deal.

Phichit finally realizes that even if Yuuri and him don’t Match anymore, Yuuri has still touched his life and he’s touched Yuuri’s. They’ve changed for the better because of each other. Phichit has loved and lost and he’s better for it now that he knows he hasn’t truly lost Yuuri at all. Yuuri is still his best friend. Their marks are gone, but their bond is not. Phichit still loves Yuuri. Maybe not in the same way that he used to, but he still does and he knows that Yuuri still loves him too.

In the end, Yuuri doesn’t need Viktor anymore to push him to become better, to make him believe that he’s worth something, to inspire him. In the few months that they’ve known each other, Viktor has given Yuuri the ability to do those things without him. 

Yuuri doesn’t need Viktor anymore to inspire him (but Viktor does anyway). Yuuri doesn’t just skate for Viktor alone anymore (but he still does sometimes). He doesn’t need to. He skates for himself because he loves skating and because he belongs on the ice. 

Yuuri doesn’t need Viktor to believe in him anymore (but Viktor does anyway) because finally, _finally_ , Yuuri believes in himself. Not always, not all the time. Anxiety is an ever present monster, but because of Viktor, Yuuri’s learned to fight it not by himself, not just with Viktor, but with everyone around him and their love.

In the end, Viktor doesn’t need Yuuri anymore to give him love and life. In the few months that they’ve known each other, Yuuri’s helped Viktor realize that he was neglecting his two L words by focusing only on skating. 

Viktor doesn’t need Yuuri anymore to give him love (but Yuuri does anyway), because Viktor’s realized that love is all around him. He has so much more love in his life now because Yuuri’s helped him to finally accept it. Viktor finds love not just in Yuuri, but in his friends, in his rinkmates, in his family.

Viktor doesn’t need Yuuri anymore to give him life (but Yuuri does anyway), because Yuuri’s helped him to finally see past the ice and see everything the world had to offer him. Viktor travels just for the sake of it, eats food just for the sake it and laughs because he’s finally letting himself be happy.

They don’t need each other anymore, but they love just as passionately, laugh just as hard and share their lives together in such a way that no one can deny that they’re happy together, that they’re good together.

_“You were my soul mark’s match, and you’re not anymore but I still choose you, and I’ll keep choosing you every day of our lives.”_

Love is a choice and Viktor and Yuuri chose each other.


End file.
